2014 in review.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

(Truth in advertising – I’m betting that 360 of the 370 views were me checking up on it).

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 370 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ~ Winnie the Poo

I’m taking suggestions for a new blog title.  “Pathetic” doesn’t quite capture the essence of my ability – or the lack of it.   Pathetic necessarily includes an emotional element that is too generous in its applicability to my running “skill.”   Pathetic is also pitiable.  It is heart-rending . . . sympathetic.  None of these things fairly apply to me.  Maybe shameful is more appropriate?  I don’t know . . . any suggestions?

I could make excuses.  For instance,  13 weeks ago today some dude cracked my chest open like a walnut and exposed my heart to the open air.  (See my last post for details).

This is not actually my heart (as far as I know).

This is not actually my heart (as far as I know).

Actually, it’s the best excuse I’ve ever had.  It’s much better than the standard plantar fascitis or the hum-drum runner’s knee.  I mean, seriously.  My rib cage was sawed apart down the midline of my sternum!  I had three IV lines, including two directly into my arteries.  I was ventilated and spent 2 days in the ICU (or so I’m told – I don’t really remember it).  I was in the hospital for 8 days.  But, I won’t use this to excuse the dramatic slip in my running.  That’s not who I am . . .

I have gone for a couple runs since my last post.  Most recently, I ran with Walter, but to be more accurate, Walter was in the vicinity of my run but he was much faster.  It’s difficult to say that I ran “with” him.

I can’t run 2 miles without stopping to walk.  My average pace is about 2.5 minutes per mile slower that my previous pathetic pace.  I don’t really feel like running.  Running feels like it did when I first started running 30 years ago when I thought the only reason to run was if I was being chased.  The only difference is that I’m 30 years O – L – D – E – R.   I am lazy.  I am fat (and getting fatter).

motivational-poster-quotes-1

It’s the story of my life.  I don’t really expect things to change.  But, I’m not going to give up.  At some point before President Abraham Lincoln got shot in the head, he said, “[m]y great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”   Although I completely expect to fail, I’m not content with my failure.  (If that’s not a recipe of some really cool psychological diagnosis, I don’t what is!)

I’ll keep running and report back to my two readers (Hi Mom and Dad!).  In the meantime, send me your name change suggestions.  All will be considered!

Until next time,

The Runner Formerly Known as the Pathetic Runner

“Keep living life like there’s no tomorrow and you’ll be right sooner than you think.” ~ Demotivational Poster

If I had readers, they would be clamoring for an explanation.  “Where have you been?” they would ask.  “Why haven’t you been writing?  You abandoned me!  How inconsiderate that you would deprive me of your wit and wisdom for so long?”

I would owe my readers an explanation.  Even an apology.  If I had readers.  But, I don’t. . .

OK – relax!  So – here’s what happened . . . way back in October 2013, I ran the Cape Cod Half.  It was maybe the hardest half I’ve ever done and absolutely the one for which I was least prepared.  But, I finished.

I did it!

I did it!

I had a blog post ready to go regaling my non-readership with the race details, but then something happened.  Something predictable.  I knew it would happened.  I’ve seen it happen before.  In fact, it happens to me after every major race.  It was inevitable.  I descended into sloth.

lazy-man

I returned home and really just stopped running.  Oh, I had excuses.  At first I was sore and tired.  Then it was snowy and slick.    After that it was far too cold to run.  In the spring time I had so much to do outside around the house that I couldn’t fit in hardly a single run.  Then, something slightly less predictable happened.

I was mulching the bushes around the house and I experienced a strange sensation in my left bicep and behind my left shoulder blade.  It wasn’t really painful, but it WAS weird.  I quit working and just sat still for a few minutes and it went away and I forgot about it.  About a week later I had a regular check up with the doctor.  She asked me if I ever had any chest pain and I said no,  but described the incident that just happened.  She ordered a stress test.  I failed.  I was sent to have a heart catheter test.  The cardiologist couldn’t find my right coronary artery.  He sent me to have a CT scan of my heart.  It showed that I had a congenital coronary artery defect that is associated with sudden cardiac DEATH!  Because they regarded me as “symptomatic” with this defect, they recommended surgery.  (Three cardiologists, independent of one another, told me some version of, “You’re lucky to be alive.”   That’s a weird thing to hear when I felt so good).

So, they started by doing this:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7RsB0BA4EI

Then, they transitioned into this:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNApz7Jgdeo

And followed it up with something like this:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCoB4yFNO2w

A day or so afterwards, I was on top of the world.

010

(I seriously don’t remember anything about this.  Have you ever heard of ICU Psychosis?  It’s a thing.  GTS (Google That Shit).  I had THAT.  There are some unfortunate videos bearing witness to it.)

That was 70 days ago today.  The stories of that experience are legion, but they are not the reason for this post.  Today, I’m writing because this afternoon, I did this:

Dec Run

I have a ways to go before I return to simply being a pathetic runner.  I’m somewhere far, far away from being that good.  I’m more like the runner who aspires to be pathetic.

I guess I have to start somewhere.  And, I avoided that whole “sudden DEATH” scene.  So, I’ve got that going for me – – – which is nice.

Stay tuned.  If I can stay off the couch, I’ll be writing more (even tho’ my readership is as pathetic as my running)!

PR

P.S.  Check out the YouTube videos.  Fascinating stuff.