“I am the eggman, they are the eggmen. I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob.” ~ John Lennon & Paul McCartney

Does anyone know if LSD is good for losing weight?  Can an acid trip inspire brilliant lyrics . . . . AND weight loss?

I know that smoking meth can help you lose weight, but I heard somewhere that smoking is bad for you, so I’m not sure I want to go that route.  Plus, smoking makes your clothes and hair smell bad and I saw on TV that meth isn’t very good for your teeth.

I’m not asking for a friend. I want to know for me because, you know . . . I’m fat.  I am the walrus (goo goo ja joob).

In my imagination, some of my imaginary readers are now commenting to their significant others, “He’s always so hard on himself. It can’t be as bad as he says.” (In my imagination I HAVE readers AND they DISCUSS my silly ramblings amongst each other – like a book club.   A Blog club.  Really, I guess, more like a fan club . . . ).

At least in this case, your imaginary objections lack foundation.  In my first draft of this post I tried to explain the history and progression of my weight gain.  I was so bored I fell asleep mid-essay.  I can’t put my imaginary readers through that.  Suffice it to say that since the age of 18 to my current age I’ve gone from about 150 pounds to a whopping . . . I can’t even say it.  I’m so mortified.  Let’s just say that I could play cornerback or safety in the NFL.   Well, I guess I couldn’t ACTUALLY play any position in the NFL, but my weight is roughly equal to an NFL player in the defensive secondary.

So if smoking meth is bad for me and the jury is out on whether acid will help, I guess the only thing left is diet and exercise.  It’s a desperate and drastic step, but I think it’s the only thing left to do.  Today was Day #1 on the diet.  I LOVE brussels sprouts.  Ice Cream is ICKY.

Today was day #7 at the gym.  Here I am last week at Zumba! class.

Happy Dance

Zumba! Day 1!

I think I’m making progress.  Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.  One of my friends took this video of me at Zumba! today.

Zumba

Bustin’ a Move!

 

I’ve also been lifting weights.

pizza-workout

I’ve always been a good multi-tasker

 

See!  Progress!  It’s like that old joke . . . how do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  I’ve taken my first bite!  It’s still pretty cold and snowy here.  Another week or two of working out with this kind of intensity and I think I’ll be ready to try to run again.  If all else fails, there’s always meth – or maybe acid.

I’ll keep you updated.

PR

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