“Even if you can be the world’s best at one thing, you’ll be the world’s worst at something else. Supermodels make pathetic sumo wrestlers.” ~ Martha Beck

I think the nature of being pathetic is to be irredeemable.  There’s no reason to pity someone if the thing about which you pity them is capable of being changed.  If it was, you’d probably think, Just change that thing. If you don’t then that’s your deal, but don’t expect me to feel sorry for you.

In contrast, if you knew a supermodel whose heart’s desire was to become a sumo wrestler, you’d likely think, Now that’s just sad because it’s never going to happen. If you try, you will suck. I’m not sure you’ll even win one match.

                Supermodel size comparison

So, don’t misunderstand me when I tell you that I THINK I’ve made some progress.  Still, I DO have SOME objective evidence in support of my conclusion.

First, there is a little LESS of me than what previously existed. I’m still the size of a walrus – but maybe a juvenile walrus instead of full-fledged adult walrus.

No wait – I’m still an adult walrus.  I’ve lost something like 15 pounds and at my size that is a miniscule change not discernible to the naked eye.

Human Walrus Swimming

        I’m a decent swimmer. Fat people are buoyant.

Second, I have SLIGHTLY increased my distance. I’m now up to about a 4 mile run. That’s about a 400% increase over where I was at the turn of the year.

Yay Me

           I’ve been working hard, you guys.  Really hard.

I am still pathetic. I will always be pathetic.  But, I’ve improved a little.  I’m no longer abysmal and I’m slogging my way back towards pathetic.

Still, I have a LONG WAY to go.  I’ve thought about it and I think I have narrowed down the reasons why it’s so hard for me to return to my previously merely pathetic form and have reduced them to THIS TOP TEN LIST:

10.  It’s been cold. Seriously.  There were snowflakes yesterday – at least 10 of them.  Way too cold to run outside regularly.

Case of Being a Little Bitch

                     Harsh. I don’t like it when it’s cold.

9.  I was sick for about a week.  I rarely get sick, but this year I had a doozy of a cold.  It was BAD, my friends.  I don’t want to overstate it, but I’m lucky to be alive.

I've Been Sick

Would you believe that she’s a nurse? It’s true.

8.  I’m consumed by a torrid love affair that has distracted me.

I love tacos

            Not with this dude. . .

Pizza Queen

                                              Or with this woman

With food.  I LOVE food.  I mean it’s really INTENSE!

7.  I don’t have anyone to encourage me.

Good Job!

What’s the weirdest thing about this: the “encouragement” or the caption about Suzy.

6.  I’m not very good – at anything.

I Am Below Average!5.  In fact, I pretty much suck.

You suck

                                         I know! I already said that! Geez

4.  I don’t have an accountability partner.

Can't Skip the Gym - Batman

   A cursory review of this blog would indicate I have a “thing” for Batman.

3.  I’m not truly apathetic. But, I don’t care that much – about anything, really.

Whatever (1)2.  Healthy food sucks.

Angry Dieter

Amen, Brother! Bring out the COOKIES!

1.   I can’t remain on task.  Whenever I go out for a run I have a feeling that I’m being followed.  Maybe even stalked.  There’s no joy in running when your head is on a swivel due to your paranoia.

Polar Bear Stalking Seal

[Insert ‘Jaws’ music here] I LOVE polar bears! Just not that one . . .

Still, progress is progress. I’ll take it.  My quest towards mediocrity continues!

Patron Saint Mediocrities

                        I can accept this.  Mediocre is an improvement for me!

PR

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