I think the nature of being pathetic is to be irredeemable. There’s no reason to pity someone if the thing about which you pity them is capable of being changed. If it was, you’d probably think, Just change that thing. If you don’t then that’s your deal, but don’t expect me to feel sorry for you.
In contrast, if you knew a supermodel whose heart’s desire was to become a sumo wrestler, you’d likely think, Now that’s just sad because it’s never going to happen. If you try, you will suck. I’m not sure you’ll even win one match.
So, don’t misunderstand me when I tell you that I THINK I’ve made some progress. Still, I DO have SOME objective evidence in support of my conclusion.
First, there is a little LESS of me than what previously existed. I’m still the size of a walrus – but maybe a juvenile walrus instead of full-fledged adult walrus.
No wait – I’m still an adult walrus. I’ve lost something like 15 pounds and at my size that is a miniscule change not discernible to the naked eye.
Second, I have SLIGHTLY increased my distance. I’m now up to about a 4 mile run. That’s about a 400% increase over where I was at the turn of the year.
I am still pathetic. I will always be pathetic. But, I’ve improved a little. I’m no longer abysmal and I’m slogging my way back towards pathetic.
Still, I have a LONG WAY to go. I’ve thought about it and I think I have narrowed down the reasons why it’s so hard for me to return to my previously merely pathetic form and have reduced them to THIS TOP TEN LIST:
10. It’s been cold. Seriously. There were snowflakes yesterday – at least 10 of them. Way too cold to run outside regularly.
9. I was sick for about a week. I rarely get sick, but this year I had a doozy of a cold. It was BAD, my friends. I don’t want to overstate it, but I’m lucky to be alive.
8. I’m consumed by a torrid love affair that has distracted me.
With food. I LOVE food. I mean it’s really INTENSE!
7. I don’t have anyone to encourage me.
6. I’m not very good – at anything.
4. I don’t have an accountability partner.
3. I’m not truly apathetic. But, I don’t care that much – about anything, really.
1. I can’t remain on task. Whenever I go out for a run I have a feeling that I’m being followed. Maybe even stalked. There’s no joy in running when your head is on a swivel due to your paranoia.
Still, progress is progress. I’ll take it. My quest towards mediocrity continues!